A dad's point of view - is Glee gay?

There's no doubt that I'm really wading into it with the title of this column. I was reflecting on the end of this season of Glee and the only other television series that I watch regularly, Modern Family. I enjoy both show but do wonder if they have an agenda as to the message they want to put across.

Let me be clear on my stance on homosexuality to eliminate any pre-conceived prejudices you may assume I have or may project on me that are not true. I lost a VERY DEAR friend to Aids back in the day when it first appeared. I worked in showbiz for a quarter-century and loved and interacted with people of all stripes, with equal passion, respect, and collaboration. If they were talented and good people, I loved them. If they were not, I didn’t. Simple.

A dad's point of view - ten elementary differences between men and women

For this post I easily could have listed 500 or more, as the number of differences between the sexes is vast. Note that I used the word, “Sexes,” rather than gender. I hate the word, “Gender” almost as much as I hate being Politically Correct! So, a disclaimer: If you are a Professor of Women’s Studies you might want to go visit Gloria Steinem’s web site.

A second disclaimer: This man loves and respects women so this column is not anti-woman at all! What it is, from this one father and husband, is my honest look at our differences with the only guiding principle being the truth, plus a touch of humor.

A dad's point of view - 7 days without my iPhone

I have just embarked on a heli-skiing trip to the Cariboo Mountains. I chose NOT to bring my iPhone. First, I had thought there was no reception at the lodge. Second, every time I go to Canada I incur stupid charges that annoy me. And, third, I thought it would be a great experiment to go without it.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!! It’s been three hours and I’m going crazy!

No, just kidding. It’s been all day and while I have reached in my pocket for my iPhone a few times, the frequency is diminishing. So far, the biggest problem is knowing the time, since I have become used to checking the time on my iPhone rather than wear a watch, much like most kids do these days. My wife is already regretting that I don’t have the phone because I’m asking her the time all the time!

A dad's point of view - my boys would be better off if I abandoned them

I suppose the title of this column got your attention. Of course I don’t mean it in any literal sense but I’ve begun a mantra/rant lately that includes this notion. My older son just got accepted to an expensive private college, The Berklee College of Music. For a number of reasons, he/we do not qualify for any financial aid.

Before I illuminate those reasons, I have to declare that my son did himself and his family no good – as far as getting any scholarships – because of his lousy grades and failure to even take the SAT or other college entrance exams. His outstanding musicianship and showmanship at the audition, required by Berklee, clearly overcame any deficiencies from his report cards and lack of college entrance exams. He shines when he does his music and he worked quite hard preparing for that audition. It paid off when he was one of less than 200 applicants accepted for early admission – to the only college to which he applied.

A dad's point of view - are you a social media addict?

Let's start with the definition of addict (from dictionary.com): ad•dict noun
>> A person who is addicted to an activity, habit, or substance: a drug addict. Okay, that seems simple enough. I’m addicted to many things, thankfully none of them all that harmful. They include skiing, my kids, writing, eating, and maybe, just maybe Social Media.

Here are some questions for you and me:

1. How often a day do you check your various Social Media accounts like Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Google +, etc.
2. Do you check your blog comments in bed?
3. When on vacation, do you make sure wherever you go has Internet access?
4. Will you pay for Wi-Fi on a plane ... anywhere?
5. Have you tried to go cold turkey for any period of time? And, if so, how did that work for you?

A dad's point of view - friends

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you see or hear the word, “Friends?” For my younger son it would undoubtedly be the TV-series that aired for a decade on NBC, because he loves it so. For others, it might be that Bette Midler song. Maybe it would be something from Sesame Street? Friends enrich our lives. And, like that famous saying, “We don’t choose our family, but we do choose our friends,” we actually have some control over who is our friend.

That is where the rub is, in my experience. I’ve had many friends over the course of my life. I still have one friend from Nursery School, which is what Pre-School was called in the fifties. We are in regular contact, though he lives across the country.

A Dad's Point of View: Why Men Need Other Men

As a dad advocate that means I’m also a man advocate. Years of doing “men’s work” have taught me much, but top of the list is the fact that men need other men in their lives. A great way to have men in your life is to be part of a men’s group. There are many kinds of men’s groups. After you’ve read and agreed with this list, go out and find one that is right for you.

The sad generality is that as men get older, have families, and get involved in their careers, they tend to allow their male friendships to drift. Or, they become friendships around carousing: poker games, trips to Vegas, golf, or other hobbies/sports. Do men get together and “Shoot the sh*t?” like women regularly do? You know the answer.

A dad's point of view - the risk of opposite sex friends

Do you have opposite sex platonic friends? Are you married? Does your spouse have opposite sex friends, too? What about opposite sex friends that used to be boyfriends or girlfriends? Is that cool? Interesting questions, don’t you think?

Many people believe that their spouse should be their best friend. I am sort of agnostic on that issue since I believe that for the sanctity of marriage it isn’t always wise to bring every thing on one’s mind to one’s spouse. That is the value of same-sex friends.

For instance, if your spouse has gained weight, is it smart to express that observation? If you’re feeling unhappy at home for somewhat trivial reasons, is that something you should share with your spouse? I say, “No.” I say that is the province of same-sex friends.

A dad's point of view - habits, routines and rituals

What are you fondest memories from your childhood? I suspect they are things that your family did that were ritualistic in nature. They may also have been the better family vacations. Family rituals are touchstones in your life and the lives of your children. Just as habits and routines become comforting, so do the rituals you establish in your family.

There are numerous examples of these sorts of rituals, often centered on holidays and religion, depending on whether your family is observant. During the just passed Christmas and New Year’s period, there are so many rituals we have all participated in and/or watched in movies and on television. The dropping of the ball in Times Square is one of them. Watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “Miracle on 34th Street” may be another.

A dad's point of view - what will I leave my boys?

The recent death of Steve Jobs was yet another stark reminder of the fragility of life. No matter how rich or famous you are, the grim reaper does not care. While I won’t admit how close in age Jobs and I are, I will admit that I fully recognize that my life could end any moment, though I pray it doesn’t. There is still too much to do, see, and too much work left to do.

But, as we never know, I’d like to leave some takeaways for my boys. Some call this sort of thing, “a living will.” Why do we only leave our loved ones our money and our things? Why not leave them something much more precious: our beliefs and whatever wisdom we may have learned on our journey of life?

So, herewith, are my takeaways for my two boys, who are now 15 and 18. They are full of life, full of promise, full of hormones and teenage cockiness. I hope I’m around to watch their journey, but just in case…

Tikkun Olam – Repair the World