Dad stories - wheels up

Starting in the middle of a story can lend perspective. At least this is my hope, as emotion is coursing through me as thoughts go to page. As this is being written, I am monitoring flightaware.com, watching an online depiction of the Southwest Airlines 737 (tail # N705SW) that is taking my precious 9-year-old son from Reno to Las Vegas. Flight information indicates that he is now 160 miles from me and about 30 minutes from touching down at McCarran International. His ultimate destination today is San Antonio, TX, where his mom lives, off for his annual month-long visit. Preston lives with me, his old dad, the majority of the time, and I am fortunate beyond words that this is the reality of the situation.

Take advantage of all visitations

A father can not spend enough time with his children; especially when the family has been pulled apart by a separation or divorce. Children will need a tremendous amount of support from both parents in order to adjust to this new arrangement. This means that fathers need to work with mothers to set up a visitation schedule that will ease the trauma of the separation.

A father should seek the maximum amount of visitation that is allowed and then ask for more! This request should come immediately after the separation to ensure that the children don’t miss any “father” time. Once this visitation schedule has been set, it is important for fathers to utilize every single visitation that has been agreed upon.

A Father’s Journey To Custody

Being a father is a lifetime calling; it doesn’t end at separation or divorce and it doesn’t go away because our lives become difficult. Being a father is a full time job, a job that holds countless rewards for those of us with the courage and dignity to honor the position of “father”.

Children need both a mother and a father that they can count on. Your children will need and benefit from your involvement. This means getting to know their teachers, doctors, dentists, coaches, etc. Becoming an active participant in your children’s lives deepens the bond between you and your children and they will come to know that they can count on you. When you take on the position of the true meaning of “father”, the children will have a smoother transition during the separation and will be more mentally and emotionally adjusted.

Dads at Christmas Miss Out

I came across this article which is a reality for a lot of fathers who don't have access to their children. Access is an issue for many fathers including celebrity dads like Sir Bob Geldof. It's particularly relevant at this time of year when absence is felt a lot more. The article is a good reminder of the important of the relationship between father and child, but also father and mother.

- Scott

Families across Britain are spending quality time over the holidays, except for the many fathers who aren’t, because the courts or their former partners won’t allow them access to their children.

In the vast majority of cases here, mothers receive residence, regardless of how involved the father was the children’s lives before the parents separated.

Post a question: Support agencies/programs to gain custody?

Colleen has sent the following question to DIYFather.com:

My husband and I have been trying to gain custody of his special needs son and we have run out of money and do not have the credit to loan ... Is there any programs/agencies that will help?

Colleen, Grabill, IN

My Children's Parents

When I had my children I was a young father of 23 with 3 very beautiful babies which I had promised my life too. I worked hard all day, and then would come home to help with the babies, cook, feed and clean I enjoyed every minute of it.
Then one day I decided to fulfil on a childhood dream and join the ARMY… bad idea? Don’t know…

I did my training and went to basic training, keeping in constant contact with my young family back home, then once completing basic training I caught a ride home proud as anything and excited to see my family.

I marched right into an empty house…

It was the end of my own ideal, the beginning of another.

As the years rolled on and my children continue to grow and develop into intelligent, social and active beings, it was obvious they have had some fantastic parenting.

Separation is tough, but keep the kids out of the nastiness

Let me start by saying I am not a father, I am a parent. I separated from the father of my 2 children approx. 4 years ago. It was a difficult decision to make as we had been together for many years, but I knew that our relationship was far from an ideal one to raise children in and was way beyond repair.

I encouraged him to see the children and spend time with them as I knew that they loved him very much. It was his choice to not do so for a long time due to the hatred he felt for me. I made the mistake of forcing him to see them, but this was a waste of time as they felt his disinterest and it hurt their feelings. He needed to WANT to see them. Once I realised this, I made sure that he knew once he got his life back together the door was open for him to see them.

Children after separation and divorce

50% of all marriages fail and it is higher for the second marriage and so on, with that in mind is Separation and Divorce considered normal?

My mother left the family home when I was just 7, it was still the 70s and divorce wasn't yet that common, my friends still had an intact family. My brother and I were brought up by our father, we had no idea anymore of what was normal. All you know is that you don't see one of your parents as often as you would like.

12 years later I am separated from my first wife, with 3 babies. Is this me keeping the cycle of broken families alive?

Gaining access

My children were removed from my care when my youngest was just a baby; it was 10 months before I could see my 3 young children. For me gaining access wasn't automatic I had to earn it and push for it, I didn't get much, 1 1/2 hours every fortnight which was then reduced to once a month because it was difficult for the children's mother to keep bringing the children to the centre.

I kept asking "when can I see my children?" and "what do I need to do now?" and I kept it up, never giving up, and my reward was the same 1 1/2 hours with my children once a month for 5 years. The best 1 1/2 hours of my month, I looked forward to it every time, I thought nothing of the time in between, it was time I needed to do what ever was needed for me to do to move forward and to show I was not going to walk away from my children.