Difficulties when starting out as a stay at home dad

By Ken Burns about his experiences as a stay-at-home-dad

The first 2 years are the hardest to get through when you become a stay-at-home-dad. This is the time when the people you used to work with realise you won't be back - so many of your social contacts stop in the end. You can then have lots of time to read between the lines about why you have no contact with the guys anymore but there is point you have to accept what you've got and get in a position to reinvent yourself.

Women seem to have a lot more social contact than men but dads are happy to spend time at home with their kids and get on with their own housework / shopping routine. Some guys manage to get new contacts / parent help with kindy and school but these groups are mainly run by women. Not that men are deliberately left out but guys can find it harder to get involved as the meet-ups are often run by the same group of people for long periods.

Some of the things you change in your life can also bring you adversity. Stopping or cutting down on drinking can bring a bit of grief. This is about being a clearheaded driver in a social situation with your kids. It is a good example to them as they see that not everyone drinks. Not smoking or stopping smoking is easier to deal with as there is not so much grief giving that up.

Loss of income and working within a budget is one of the other major things to get used to. Dealing with your wife/girlfriend as the money earner and living within what they earn can be stressful. It's basically a matter of living within your means and being accountable for where earnings are spent.

Being alone with your kids when they are young with no one to talk to can sometimes make you dwell on the negative and go a bit mental. I’ve learnt not to take this seriously, and just try to find someone to bounce off so I can understand what I am thinking about.

The decision to be at home is not an easy one to make and most people only find out when they actually do it what a thankless/unsocial job it can be. Women are good at this and they socialise a lot more than men ... that's probably why they have a healthier mental life. Guys can do that too but it takes a bit of getting used to.

-Ken Burns