Avoiding punishment

A few weeks ago we wrote about alternatives to smacking - but is there a way to avoid any kind of punishment altogether? There my be ... mostly by adjusting your parenting style and your own behaviour as a parent. Here are a few tips what you can do to avoid pubishment altogether, based on the 6-principles of effective discipline:

• lead by example - children copy behaviour and attitudes from their parents, and it's pretty much "do as I do" not "do as I say". So don't expect your children to "not do" something that they observe you doing frequently


• have realistic expectations - give your children a break ... have the time in stressful situations they are still learning to do the right thing, so by setting your own expectations accordingly you can avoid a lot of frustration


• taking the time - often children's behaviour is affected by lots of other factors like the parents' stress level ... so sometimes it's important to take a deep breath, slow down and allow a few extra minutes for everyone to calm down to avoid further escalating stressful situations


• explain things to your children when they are in a good mood - managing behaviour and establishing a useful discipline is actually best done when everyone is in a good mood and there's plenty of time to talk (as opposed to when a situation is already escalated)


• work on your communication skills - there is an excellent book called "How to talk so kids will listen" that provides excellent examples of effective communication with children


• give choices - sometimes a potentially frustrating situation can be avoided altogether simply by giving a choice (e.g. do you want to wear your pink or green t-shirt)


• involve them - rather than talking about your kids or over their heads and deciding "for them" it can be useful to include them in the decision making so it feels less like being told what to do (from their perspective)


• turning stuff into games - sometimes you can turn activities your kids don't like into games (e.g. a race to the bath room to wash hands, or who's finished first with brushing teeth)

Just a starter for ten ... there are lots more of course.

-Stef